The Difference Between Shame and Guilt...
Brene' Brown breaks down the difference this way:
- guilt = I did something bad
- shame = I am bad
In thinking back on some of the situations I've had in my life, I can see where shame really took ahold of me during many situations that I should have really only had to deal with guilt; but because of things that had happened to me, that I had never dealt with, it snowballed into shame, quickly.
I have really had this on my mind regarding a situation that happened over 20 years ago; after I had actively begun my healing process. I had been dealing with memories, as they came up.
I made a bad choice, and as a result, it could have affected the living situation for my roommate, and her 2 small children; not just myself.
It was brought up at the women's group I attended. Through some "unscrupulous attitudes" of some of the members of this group, I was shamed for my mistake, even after I took responsibility for my actions; and had rectified the situation. While I do understand the lack of people trusting me with their money, which I had no part of, at the time; I was not even trusted to be there when they shared their stories. I was permitted to share what was going on in my life, and then I had to leave.
Even on a retreat, I was allowed to share my part, then be back in another room, with the door closed, while the other women shared. I know, now, how wrong it was. One of the "unscrupulous" ones, even came back to make sure the door was closed, and I wasn't listening.
Truth always comes out. The women that "shamed me", are no longer involved; and I am still there, and have grown more and more, every year.
My intent is not to "shame them back"; but just put the shame where it belongs - it is NOT mine, and never should have been. Did I do wrong, and should I have felt guilt? Yes. But not shame.
I think this is where our society has landed - we shame everyone; and because people don't take the time to work on their own "shame stories", it just gets flung on everyone else.
This is why I, daily, work on myself; and my purpose for being wherever I am - at work, at home, wherever, I DO have a purpose.
This is such a vast topic, but I will stop right here.
I just want encourage you to notice if you do things out of shame or guilt. It can make a big difference in your life. Be aware...
Have a good day, and be safe... #2021LATE beamererin.com firstname.lastname@example.org #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes