Feb. 15, 2022

Was/Is It Enough??!

Have you ever run yourself like crazy to please everyone around you - friends, work, church, social obligations, etc - and at the end of the day, you felt you were personally left lacking?

I lived this way for YEARS!!! I always had a (seemingly) large circle of people around me, and I was happy. Until I sat and figured out that I felt like the one working hardest to "gather everyone together", actually PLEADING with people to spend time with me.

Then I stopped. While I DO understand that different people have different qualities, or "gifts"; it hit me that anyone that wants to, can be a "gatherer", also.

So I sat.

I realize I isolated, after my Mother passed in 2018; and was just starting to feel ready to re-enter some sort of social interaction in 2020 when the Pandemic hit.

I, also, realize that I am only looking at this from my perspective. I am a realist, and do not claim to be perfect; but I have discussed my feelings with a person I trust, and they say I am not far off.

Also, am NOT trying to be petty, whiny, or have sour grapes.

Bottom line, I know every one else can only do what they can do, also; but if I am growing as a person, and others choose to stay where they are, and revel in past "victories" - and seemingly not grow - I must move on, even if I am alone.

I felt bad about "moving on", for awhile; and then I picked myself up, and continued on my journey.

I do not enjoy small-talk. I want to connect with people's hearts; and NOT have to walk on eggshells, and be able to have those hard conversations, when necessary. I have grown weary over these things, in the past. I refuse to feel like I have to make myself smaller, because others may have a delicate ego.

If you know me, and my heart - not everything that comes out of my mouth is gold; but if something comes out, and I have no business saying it to you, I will apologize.

Do you understand what I am trying to say? Do you ever feel the same? Do you think I am a whackadoodle??!  Regardless...

I. Am. Enough.

Have a good day, and be safe... #2022YOU ***beamererin.com*** #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes beamererin@yahoo.com