Jun. 27, 2022

Profound Sadness...

I wasn't his Mother - not even his blood relative; but he, and his Sister were my "kids".

Their father told them, once, "She's not really your Aunt." As we always did about everything, when they were little, we talked about it. I explained, that while that was true, we were "Heart Related"; and NOBODY can take that away.

When she was taken, in 2010, by a drunk driver, she became a "death I will never get over". Then 11 years, 8 months, 1 day, and 30 minutes later - he took his own life, out of the "false guilt" he carried over her death.

It has been 6 months, and I am still processing it. I still have some disbelief that he's really gone, yet I know the truth. Am still in the "Year of Firsts", and doing okay. But, there is still the underlying "Profound Sadness".

While I DO understand suicidal ideation, all too well, I also struggle with the conflict that:
- why was he able to, yet he was a part of what stopped me - anger/frustration
- he left me to struggle with not only my other ongoing issues, but now the loss of him AND her - conflicted anger/sadness.

I know this won't solve anything; but it is the sharing of thoughts that helps move the healing along - and healing takes a lifetime. It's the choices you make, as you heal, that make the daily changes in your life - and in that I know I am not alone.

Always focus on what is true - that is step 1...

Love you, ALWAYS, my "Motion" and "Bud"...
Aunt Connie...

Thank you, have a good day, and be safe... #2022YOU ***beamererin.com*** #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes beamererin@yahoo.com