Today am thinking about...

Feb. 24, 2021

Brene' Brown breaks down the difference this way:
- guilt = I did something bad
- shame = I am bad

In thinking back on some of the situations I've had in my life, I can see where shame really took ahold of me during many situations that I should have really only had to deal with guilt; but because of things that had happened to me, that I had never dealt with, it snowballed into shame, quickly.

I have really had this on my mind regarding a situation that happened over 20 years ago;  after I had actively begun my healing process. I had been dealing with memories, as they came up.

I made a bad choice, and as a result, it could have affected the living situation for my roommate, and her 2 small children; not just myself.

It was brought up at the women's group I attended. Through some "unscrupulous attitudes" of some of the members of this group, I was shamed for my mistake, even after I took responsibility for my actions; and had rectified the situation. While I do understand the lack of people trusting me with their money, which I had no part of, at the time; I was not even trusted to be there when they shared their stories. I was permitted to share what was going on in my life, and then I had to leave.

Even on a retreat, I was allowed to share my part, then be back in another room, with the door closed, while the other women shared. I know, now, how wrong it was. One of the "unscrupulous" ones, even came back to make sure the door was closed, and I wasn't listening.

Truth always comes out. The women that "shamed me", are no longer involved; and I am still there, and have grown more and more, every year.

My intent is not to "shame them back"; but just put the shame where it belongs - it is NOT mine, and never should have been. Did I do wrong, and should I have felt guilt? Yes. But not shame.

I think this is where our society has landed - we shame everyone; and because people don't take the time to work on their own "shame stories", it just gets flung on everyone else.

This is why I, daily, work on myself; and my purpose for being wherever I am - at work, at home, wherever, I DO have a purpose.

This is such a vast topic, but I will stop right here.

I just want encourage you to notice if you do things out of shame or guilt. It can make a big difference in your life. Be aware...

Have a good day, and be safe... #2021LATE beamererin.com beamererin@yahoo.com #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes

Feb. 16, 2021

It's been almost a year, since the Pandemic EXPLODED our lives as we knew them. How are you doing?

Working in retail, I definitely have my good and bad days, as does everyone, really; but overall, am doing pretty good.

I have learned to be by myself, even better. I do have limited interaction with people outside of work, with masks, and social distance.

Recently, I have been wondering how it will be, when restrictions ARE lifted. It's definitely going to be different. I honestly hope some things DON'T go back to how they were.

We have seen very good, and very bad. I, possibly naively, believe social change can happen. I am for it - but wonder if enough are. I am of the "It only takes a spark..." mentality.

Time will tell. Now, we wait...

Have a good day, and be safe... #2021LATE beamererin.com beamererin@yahoo.com #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes  

Feb. 9, 2021

I bet you thought I was talking about the Super Bowl, didn't you? Nope.

I do not work on Mondays, so this is when I like to take the time to reflect on my previous week - rate it, if you will.

As we all know, life happens; so there are definitely good and not so good weeks. (I'm trying to alleviate negative words from my vocabulary - inside, and out - plus, I don't want to limit myself to just good or bad, ya know?)

I don't ignore the less than positive things - everything shapes who I am; but I attempt to not let them define me, or my life, like I used to do.

Even though, after working hard all week, some of my Monday mornings are definitely groggy - like this morning, I put my bfast into the microwave, as I moved to complete my morning ablutions.

As I progressed, it came time to remove my bfast from the micro - only to find out I forgot to hit start. Rather than bagging on myself, I just put a quick, encouraging post asking if anyone else was having a "how much faster will the microwave cook my bfast, if I hit 'start' kinda morning??!"; and moved on.

This has not been a quick practice for me. I was a "Negative Nancy" kind of person, through many years. Well, I was actually positive or negative - there was no blending, whatsoever. Life was very black or white - NO gray.

But, that's for another post...lol.

I do want to encourage you to take some time, every week to reflect on your previous week, and find a happy and sad. Like Mr Miyagi always reminded Daniel - "Balance!!!"

Have a good day, and be safe!!! #2021LATE beamererin.com beamererin@yahoo.com #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes 

Feb. 2, 2021

Such a simple phrase; but it can bear so much weight.

If you answer, honestly, it often scares the one asking the question away.

If you just say, "Fine.", it generally encourages light and airy "surface" conversation; chit-chat, if you will.

I, myself, loathe chit-chat. My preference is real answers to that question.

Now, at times, time constraints interfere; at which point I try to set up another time to have a real conversation.

I've found, that can scare people away, also. Again, a lot of people don't want to have deep, real conversation.

This makes me a little sad; but is something I have to accept.

Just know, that if I ever ask, "How are you?", I really do care how you are, ok?

Have a good day, and be safe... #2021LATE beamererin.com beamererin@yahoo.com #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes #lightattheendofthetunneloflife 

Jan. 26, 2021

It's really okay, if you don't - it's the kind of thing that there's no age-requirement.

For example, when you were a kid, if you're anything like me - your life-goal changed with your day, influential people appearing in your life, or situations that arose.

It's kind of along the lines of famous scientists finding major cures and break-throughs, purely by accident.

I'm in no way discounting those that have known your goals, since exiting the womb.

But, I believe the majority are more like me; and there "ain't no shame to our game"!!!

Now, I am NOT necessarily talking about your employment. I am talking about your life-goal = your Passion.

Throughout my life, I have wanted to be -
- an Accountant - like my parents (until I realized that numbers were not always my "friend")
- a Grandma - like MY Grandma
- a Youth Pastor - like my friend, Dawn
- a Poet -  ✔
- a Guitarist - for my own music ✔
- a Pianist/Keyboardist - for my own music✔
- a Drummer - ✔
- a Lyricist - ✔
- a Counselor/Mentor - like mine, Daryl ✔
- a Writer - which actually took awhile to sink in ✔
- a Cowgirl - with many hours spent on my back porch, with a jump rope tied around the corner post of the railing
- a Singer - with many hours in the dark in my parent's living room, so I could tell when someone came home, because I could see the lights in the driveway ✔

This list is by no means, exhaustive, but you get my drift; and although I have achieved quite a few, the musical ones have fallen away. But, I tried them, and that is part of the process - you will never fully know what you can be, unless you try.

I'm no Karen Carpenter, but I can carry a tune, and a beat. Am waiting to see if the music ever picks up, again; as I come from a musical family.

At least at this point, and I believe for awhile, that writing fulfills my "Passion Quotient". Now, not everything I write is "Gold"; but when I write something, and I'm "On", there is NO better feeling.
My wish for you, is that you find YOUR life-goal = passion.

Have a good day, and be safe... #2021LATE beamererin.com beamererin@yahoo.com #JusTSpInnIngPlaTes #lightattheendofthetunneloflife