Midnight Ramblings...

Happy is the way I am trying to be

But when I look inside, sad is all I see

How can I be how I do not feel?

"You have to choose" - but that's not real!!!

Tears down my face at the darnedest times

And why, you ask? Love, my only crime

Trying not to burden those I love

To just be strong, and rise above

But annoy myself with the way I feel

Trying not to give my supports a raw deal

Being bummed all the time, feeling like a pain

No matter how sunny it is, all I see is rain

And for every step that I think I've made

I feel I fall deeper into this shade

I feel like the cartoon with a cloud over me

There's sun all around but I cannot see

Through the deluge overtaking my life

The constant turmoil, pain and strife

Feels hopeless most times, like it will not end

And all I want to do is talk with a Friend

And the cycle begins like an endless loop

I talk, feel like a burden, and more like poop

I just hope people know how hard I'm trying

To be happy, and not always feel like am dying

But if they looked inside, little pieces fall off

While others grow weary, and begin to scoff

"When you get up each day, choose happiness"

Ok, I guess am happy I feel such a mess?

Not looking for pity, just process a lot

Try to fit in others needs for me, but cannot

Be anything but real, and who I am

Like mentioned, a loop, giant feelings crammed

In a little box - Feelings 101

Not right for me, ok for some

As I ramble I process, may get there, one day

But for now, here I sit, and all I can say

Is I'm sorry, and thank you, and sorry, again

My goal in life is not to be a pain

Connie R Jordan...   091618