On Being Me...
Wrapped up and enmeshed in my own little space
At times I can barely look at my own face
But I persevere, and go on - paint a look that will pass
Hoping to be ignored, because feel like a pain in the ass
I'm so tired of being me, of feeling all of the feels
With my brain always going; rubber burning off the wheels
Constant thoughts, whether working, or sitting alone
No effort to do this - instinct, like a dog with a bone
Every "miss you" brings pressure, head wants to explode
But go into, "I'll be back; don't worry about me" mode
Is it true? Sometimes scary - the thoughts in my brain
Will I ever not feel like a crazy person, again?
I thought that battle to get to me, many years ago, was hard
But this feels impossible; like there are many little shards
Of me being pulled out, ripped, and thrown at a wall
I look, and see I'm different - not like me at all
Not sure who I am becoming - is this good, or is it bad
At times feeling like there is no "me", left to be had
But this giant blob-like substance, going along like a slug
Is a person still inside there? Or been squashed, like bug?
Keep believing I'll get through it, though at times give up hope
A little all over the map - cordoned off with a rope
Like a delicate piece of art that's been put on display
People look, then give up, and say as they walk away
Let us know when you're ready, what if they give up by then
There's just a chance, they won't wait - chance has to be taken
But I must persevere - there is me to be had
If I can just get through all this - maybe some day, not so sad
Connie R Jordan... 092418
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