On Being Me...

Wrapped up and enmeshed in my own little space

At times I can barely look at my own face

But I persevere, and go on - paint a look that will pass

Hoping to be ignored, because feel like a pain in the ass

I'm so tired of being me, of feeling all of the feels

With my brain always going; rubber burning off the wheels

Constant thoughts, whether working, or sitting alone

No effort to do this - instinct, like a dog with a bone

Every "miss you" brings pressure, head wants to explode

But go into, "I'll be back; don't worry about me" mode

Is it true? Sometimes scary - the thoughts in my brain

Will I ever not feel like a crazy person, again?

I thought that battle to get to me, many years ago, was hard

But this feels impossible; like there are many little shards

Of me being pulled out, ripped, and thrown at a wall

I look, and see I'm different - not like me at all

Not sure who I am becoming - is this good, or is it bad

At times feeling like there is no "me", left to be had

But this giant blob-like substance, going along like a slug

Is a person still inside there? Or been squashed, like bug?

Keep believing I'll get through it, though at times give up hope

A little all over the map - cordoned off with a rope

Like a delicate piece of art that's been put on display

People look, then give up, and say as they walk away

Let us know when you're ready, what if they give up by then

There's just a chance, they won't wait - chance has to be taken

But I must persevere - there is me to be had

If I can just get through all this - maybe some day, not so sad

Connie R Jordan... 092418