Feb. 17, 2020

As long as I do what I am told, stay home with the kids, and only go to and from the store in a certain time frame, things are quiet. Oh, and have dinner on the table every day at 5:05 - my life is good.

Buuut...if I happen to see anyone I know at the store, and stop to chat, or dinner is at 5:07 - my "honey" tends to get a little upset, and my purchases, or the dinner usually end up all over the kitchen floor. They tell me they're  just worried something happened to me, if I am not on time; or maybe I'm getting sick - they love me SOOO much!!!

They've never laid a hand on me or my children; but the dog IS terrified of them...after that one incident, especially...but dogs must be taught, right?

So yes, I guess you could say I am safe. Isn't Domestic Violence only when your significant other beats on you, constantly, or tries to kill you? They only hit me, that one time - and felt so bad, they bought me flowers and cried and said it would NEVER happen, again.

I haven't been to any kind of family gathering, since the one we came home from angered them so much - they think my family is waaay too controlling; and my old friends are just jealous I have found such a GREAT person to be with!!! Problem??!

It's really great I don't have to work outside of my home; but it WOULD be nice to be able to "buy something nice" for myself, every once in awhile. I mean, they DO have good taste, just a little different than mine. But, am not complaining - "others would kill to be able to spend as much time with their children", as I do.

Although, I DO miss being able to work - I worked very hard to get where I was, in that company - but my significant other didn't believe the company saw my true value like THEY did; and to even keep in contact with my friends from there, would just be harder on me - aren't they sweet??! Always looking out for me. I feel SO protected.

So, overall, I am safe, and content in my life, right??!

What do YOU think about this scenario? Any Red Flags? Is any of this familiar, or really close to your own life scenario? What are you going to do about it? Are. YOU. "Safe"?

Have a good day, and be safe....

Feb. 10, 2020

Is Valentine's Day a day that causes mixed feelings for you?

If you're in a Domestic Violence situation, ambivalence is usually rampant.

You love your significant other with your whole heart; but their actions are...less than loving, at times.

In this situation, I believe your  best option is to double-up your efforts to love YOURSELF.  YOU. Are. Worthwhile.; and it's time you take back that knowledge.

Buy yourself something you would expect from a significant other; take yourself to dinner - even if it's takeout, dress up to eat it at home. Put down rose petals leading to a candlelit bubble bath for yourself. Use your imagination to treat yourself.

If you have to be more stealth, for safety reasons, use even more imagination.

Might it be time to rethink your situation, and make this Valentine's Day even bigger with a life-change of some type?

Have a good day, and be safe... #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #EtSoV 

Feb. 4, 2020

This is a question I have battled for years. I still don't know that I really know the answer. I just know the feelings I have, from not being chosen by my Mother, over my Father's needs (and often, her own). (*Disclaimer - this is not just an "I hate my parents" rant. I really am processing this, as I write.)

I don't hate her - she's gone - and I loved her with my whole heart. I know she loved me, and "did the best she could"; and my Father and I, before he passed, worked our issues as far as he was willing and able to go.

But I feel I am left holding the bag, if you will; and have to process MY feelings, and answer this question, for myself.

I do understand, there must be a balance, because after the kids are gone - if there's no relationship between the parents - well, I've seen marriages implode. But, that's out of my wheelhouse, honestly.

I was one of the ones left behind, although I WAS left in the hands of reliable caregivers, overall. My Seester, and my Grandmother took care of me.

But my parents, who children are created to rely on, took advantage of the fact that they DID have such reliable backup. Between my Father's Public Accounting Business, and their "Community Organizations" involvement - there was a lot of time spent away from their family. We all were left lacking; because even when they were home, things weren't necessarily great.

So, I believe, based on my feelings, that the children should come first - with the parent's love balancing out the triangle. It all matters.

This is only the beginning of my process, so will let it lay for awhile.

What are YOUR feelings on this topic? There is so much gray, it seems...

Have a good day, and be safe... #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #EtSoV

Jan. 27, 2020

I was on a Women's Retreat, once, and we were asked to draw what our walls previously looked like; then what they looked like, currently.

I drew a broken-down brick wall in the background; with a wire across, representing an electric fence, in the foreground.

The electric fence demonstrates boundaries, to me, as it allows movement back and forth; but if someone crosses, without my consent, the power comes on,  "zapping" them just enough to alert them. It was pointed out, the progress, and self-awareness it demonstrated.

"Walls" around me keep people out, but they also trap me inside. Hmmmm...caveat!!!

Have you ever thought about what YOUR walls are made of, and what purpose they serve? Is it time to take a look??!

Your self-protection, especially in a Domestic Violence situation, is paramount - but which is more effective in YOUR situation, really - a wall or an electric fence??!

Have a good day and be safe...

Jan. 20, 2020

Very often, the first reaction people have, especially when they hear of a long-term Domestic Violence situation, is the question, "Why didn't they just leave??!"

Very rarely, is it that easy. There are often emotional, or financial "strings", if you will; plus a veritable plethora of other reasons that are often overlooked or minimized.

Are there children or pets involved? Their safety is often used as a tool of manipulation; as well as the perpetrator saying they are going to go to their family, and tell them how ungrateful the Victim is.

Sometimes, it would put them in real physical danger if they try to leave, or even if they do get out - there is no guarantee they are safe. Just watch the news for a few days. There are more and more Domestic cases ending in someone's death.

Are you familiar with story of the Titanic? Domestic Violence is often just like that iceberg.

So, the next time you hear of someone who finally escaped a Domestic Violence situation; rather than asking them that question - how about telling them how you think they are brave for taking that step; or asking if they need anything - from something tangible, to just support. That can make a HUGE difference in their growth from Victim to Survivor.

Thank you, and have a good day, and be safe... #EtSoV #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE